Hello folks. Today we have the last installment of The Famous Nobodies. I have no idea why it took me so long to post this. Maybe because I was too busy watching youtube videos about bacon.
Past episodes of The Famous Nobodies:
Sir Shawn Barry Graber IV, Junior, Esquire
Today we are interviewing the one, the only, Esta Miller! Lets begin.
Emily Smucker: What is your full name?
Esta Faye Miller: Esta Faye Miller. I love my name.
ES: How many years have you roamed the earth?
EFM: 22, or 23 if you count when Mom roamed the earth with me inside her.
ES: What was a recent awkward moment you found yourself in?
EFM: Oh my. So many. But all to scandalous for the public readership. Remember, I work at a public health clinic. *The rest of this paragraph has been removed due to its mature content*
ES: Who do you Facebook stalk and secretly wish you could meet?
EFM: Hm, I don’t spend much time stalking people on Facebook.
Fur real? What is happening to the youth of America? I have asked this question in all three interviews and have not gotten one scandalous answer. Perhaps I should write a blog post about all the people I Facebook stalk and secretly wish I could meet.
Just a random picture to remind you all of why you should be stalking Esta on Facebook.
ES: What was the most interesting dream you ever had?
EFM: Oh my. There was the one I had when I was 8 in which I dreamed I burned the house down with a tea bag. Or the one when I got drunk in Ireland and did bad things and my friend Deron had to come over from the States and rescue my reputation, wearing his straw cowboy hat. Or the one where I kissed my (then) ex-boyfriend and he got so furious because we were supposed to be respectable Mennonites and follow “I kissed Dating Goodbye.”
Esta and her (then) ex-boyfriend who she kissed in the dream. Her (then) ex-boyfriend is now her (now) (again) boyfriend. Just a random tip for interviewers– the times are constantly changing. Be sure to post interviews as soon as you get them, instead of watching bacon videos, because celebrities are always breaking up and getting back together.
ES: Do you own a purple shirt with Justin Bieber’s face on it?
EFM: I do. It is glittery and very tight and has Justin B’s face surrounded by a heart.
I see where this is going…
ES: If I gave you an elephant where would you hide it?
EFM: I wouldn’t. I would take it back to Africa and let it go free, cause people would make a documentary about me and maybe give me the nobel peace prize.
ES: All those fraud cases against your brother, are they true?
EFM: Probably. Right now he is hiking through Mexico to Belize, so they must be. But the one about him lip locking with Janessa Tice in the EBI library is totally false. ( You are welcome, Jon)
ES: Do you have any good fashion/style tips for my readers?
EFM: If you find something you like, but can’t wear for conscience sake, and it is under $5, buy it for your honeymoon (my mom taught me that one). Also, burn anything trendy in your closet.
ES: What was your lucky break?
EFM: Honestly? That Jesus didn’t let me get away with pretending I didn’t have any problems. I’m so much happier now that I admit I have lots.
Also, that my profs never caught on how little I really knew.
ES: What keeps you awake at night?
EFM: Emergency medical calls. Parties. Guarding at the jail. Eating too much mac and cheese. Worries about being a bad kisser.
A picture of Esta eating. Just because. Is that bacon in the sandwich?
ES: What was a long-ago awkward moment you found yourself in?
EFM: When my slip fell off in a crowded subway station and got caught up in my trendy heels and I stood for some time trying to untangle it while a bunch of people laughed at me.
ES: What kind of people do you dislike?
EFM: People who think they have all the answers. People who are prejudice and ignorant. People who chase trends and popularity and totally miss life. People who like Nickelback.
ES: If you had to have on inanimate object attached to your hand for a month, what would it be?
EFM: My tea mug. For sure.
Looks like you have that object attached to both hands, my dear.
ES: Give a good closing-worthy piece of advice.
EFM: Don’t run away from brokenness–whether it in others, yourself, or the world. You will miss lots of stories, joy, and awkward moments.
And eat lots of garlic while you are single.
That concludes my interview with Esta Miller, and my three-part series called “The Famous Nobodies.” Coming soon:
People I Facebook Stalk and Secretly Wish I could Meet (Maybe)
Guest Post: Life in Thailand (By my crazy-awesome sister Jenny)
I can’t decide which part of this post I liked the most because it was so funny! 🙂 Keep em’ coming! Can’t wait for the Facebook stalking one. Sounds hilarious!
This was hilarious! I like how you put Justin Bieber’s face over Justin D. It looked comical because Justin Bieber hardly has (if any) any muscles!
Hahaha. Someone led me to this and I am ever glad. I’m so coming back for the Facebook stalking one. And Esta, thanks for clearing up our innocent relationship’s scandalized name. (;
Agh. Tabloids. You just can’t get away from them these days.
I’m going to sue you for your false allegations of Justin Beiber and I’s possibly relationship and desecrating my boyfriends devastatingly handsome face with that coonhound. Contacting my lawyer now.
Though, like Jessica pointed out, no one will believe you anyway, since every woman knows the size of those biceps are totally lying. Ha. I win at life.
And you’re welcome, Nessa dear.