The Famous Nobodies: Verlyn Glenn

I have decided to start interviewing famous people. Except I sort of don’t know any famous people, so I asked some of my friends to pretend to be famous.

Apparently some people like to pretend to be famous.

Apparently some people should be famous, if their interviews are any indication. On that note, let’s begin with a young man by the name of Verlyn.

Emily Smucker: What is your full name?

Verlyn Clark Glenn: Verlyn Clark Glenn.

I only asked this pointless question because I was dying to know his middle name. Tee hee hee.

ES: What is your age?

VCG: Twenty-four.

That is a lie, for the record. I looked him up on Facebook, and he is actually twenty-five. Of course I did this interview several days ago and today is his birthday….

ES: What is your official job title?

VCG: White House Chief of Staff.

I thought that was a lie too, until I found this picture in the tabloids.

Yep, that looks pretty Chief of Staff-ish to me. The woman is, I believe, some foreign diplomat.

ES: What is the dumbest thing you have ever done?

VCG: Tried to fly by jumping out of our cherry tree with T-shirts tied to my arms.

ES: What is the randomest use for a coconut you can think of?

VCG: A ship for a one-eyed gerbil pirate.

ES: If you only had one hour, twenty-three minutes, and fourty-seven seconds to live, how would you spend that time?

VCG: I would spend one hour with the love of my life, twenty-three minutes and twenty seconds motorcycling and getting on a plane to take me up to 50,000 feet, and the last seventeen seconds free-falling (flying without wings).

ES: Describe the worst first date you can imagine.

VCG: If I found out the next day she was a guy.

ESS: What was the awkwardest moment you ever found yourself in?

VCG: I was in a very remote village in Mexico. The people who we were staying with didn’t have very much, but they made us a big meal of some kind of cooked squash and beans. I couldn’t eat it, so I tried to just throw it outside when no one was looking, but all of the village dogs instantly started a big fight over it. The lady of the house came running over to break it up and saw what I had done. Very not cool.

ES: Who is someone that you Facebook stalk and wish you could meet?

VCG: Evangeline Lily.

No offense, but really??? All the information on her Facebook page is copied from Wikipedia. And she only has one picture. Which is above. Even you have more interesting pictures than she does.

…like this

ES: What is your least favorite fruit? Why?

VCG: You know it would probably have to be a banana.There’s just too much slimy potassium.

ESS: If you had to vacation in either A. Villa Grove, Illinois B. Conrad, Montana, or C. Daingerfield, Texas, which would you choose and why?

VCG: Conrad, Montana without question. I love swimming and I hear they have an awesome swimming pool.

Good choice. According to their website, “Major community activities include Whoop-Up Trail Days, in May, which features two days of rodeo and parade activities as well as a free pancake breakfast, fun run/walk, co-ed softball, and the Country Showdown.” Gotta love that co-ed softball. Winkey-face.

ES: What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done?

VCG: I was on a survival hike in the jungles of Thailand and developed a nose bleed that wouldn’t stop. Definitely one of the most dangerous things I’ve had happen to me.

Verlyn: Which way to the survival hike? Man: That way. Don’t forget to bring extra Kleenexes.

ES: What is the weirdest food that you love?

VCG: Beef tongue

ES: And now, most importantly, who got you started in the career that made you famous?

VCG: My mother, because my awesomeness started at birth.

I tried to find a picture of his mom, but all I could find were pictures of the foreign diplomat in the first picture. How odd.

ES: Thank you for taking the time to do this interview. I’m sure my readers will appreciate it.

VCG: Thanks for the wonderful opportunity to talk about myself.

That’s all for now, folks! Stay tuned for more episodes of The Famous Nobodies, coming soon to a blog near you.

10 responses to “The Famous Nobodies: Verlyn Glenn

  1. Wow. If VCG is telling the truth, then I must say I admire him for a) voluntarily going into a Thai jungle b) taking a survival hike there c) surviving in general and d) surviving blood loss.

    Oh btw, I looked up that picture on National Enquirer Online, and it’s actually from a fancy ceremony at the White House, and the Chief of Staff had a bad stomach-ache, so a Secret Service lady posing as a foreign diplomat led him out and gave him some Pepto-Bismol and made him rest a while.


  2. This is hilarious and very well done, Emily. Verlyn’s answers to coconut use and the last 1.2347 hours of his life were awesome, and have made my day.


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  4. My favorite quote was what your dad said about Halloween/ Valentine’s day. Very funny and a little scary.


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  6. My question is, When did you 2 see each other? Or maybe you gave him an online quiz. The good-looking interview-ee is my nephew. 🙂 -PC in VA


    • Emily Smucker

      Hey Pam! I do know Verlyn quite well, since he moved out to Oregon a few months back. However, the interview was done via email. Apperently I don’t know Verlyn as well as I thought I did. White House Chief of Staff? How he manages to do that while in the boondocks of Oregon is beyond me.


  7. This is well done and funny and now I’d like to actually meet this guy!!
    Lancaster PA


  8. The humor is both Glenn and Swatzendruber, and when you merge the two, you get the Chief of Staff! By the way, did you notice he was ushering the nice lady into a joint Chiefs of Staff meeting?!
    Actually, I don’t know Verlyn very well, as we live a nation apart, literally.
    -PC in VA


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