Christmas Gag Gifts

Opening a present from mom, I came across this note:

Digging further, I found this shirt.

Uh huh. I can make this fit. Nooooooo problem. Ha ha.

I also got a present from somebody named “TDL.”

“Who’s TDL?” I asked.

“Just open it,” said Mom slyly.

So I did. It was an old box containing two lacy handkerchiefs stuck down with yellowing tape, and a faux rose.

“I don’t get it,” I said. “Who’s TDL?”

Mom said, “do you remember who gave me the beans?”

Flashback to a conversation I had with Mom a week and a half ago:

Mom: Eww

Me: What?

Mom: Oh, these beans that I got from that dead lady are dirty.

Apparently TDL meant “The Dead Lady,” and so the same dead lady who gave Mom the beans had given me old handkerchiefs for Christmas.

Thanks, dead lady.