This is a picture of my family.
My Dad looks at the camera blankly.
Jenny is looking at the camera and being Jenny.
(Being Jenny. v. The act of doing silly things, making strange gestures, and/or saying things that don’t make much sense, for the sole purpose of making the world happy and perhaps getting some attention.)
Amy is wearing a white veil. She must have been about to leave for SMBI when this picture was taken. I don’t think I was there so Ben must have taken the picture or maybe a waitress. But it is the only accurate picture that came up when I did a google image search for “Dorcas Smucker’s Family.”
In that picture, my family is at a Thai restaurant in Harrisburg. The walls are green. The outside walls are green too. Once we went to that restaurant and I had to use the bathroom. So I asked the waitress, “where is the bathroom?” and she said I had to go outside and it was on the left side of the building.
People were painting the left side of the building. They were painting it green, the same shade that you see in the picture. They had a ladder, you see, cause they were painting and there were cars along the street and I realized that the only way to get to the bathroom was to walk in the middle of the street or under the ladder.
I walked under the ladder.
The painters said, “don’t you know that it is bad luck to walk under a ladder?” Then we all laughed but I don’t think I got any bad luck although I do have a headache right now so maybe.
Another time my family went to Pizza hut. There is Ben. He was missing from the first picture. The arm beside Jenny was my arm and it looks like we were all laughing and having fun.
In reality, however, the whole family was embarrassed because I kept telling Jenny she was breathing on me. I wasn’t embarrassed at the time but I was embarrassed later when I found out how embarrassing it was. I don’t know why I didn’t want her to breathe on me.
A story about Ben: Today we went to Walmart and on the way I said, “Ben, can we quick stop in at Wells Fargo?”
Ben didn’t want to. It was out of the way. But I begged and begged so he took me. When I got there it was closed.
“I feel terrible, Ben,” I said. “Is there anything I can do to make up for this?”
“Well,” said Ben, “You could say, ‘Ben is always right and he must be the final authority in every matter of dispute.”
He is eating a s’more so if you ever get in an argument over whether or not s’mores are good you can show your opponent this picture. “Ben is eating a s’more in this picture,” you can say, “so he obviously likes them, and he is the final authority in every matter of dispute.”
You will notice the van behind Ben. It is our big van and in some ways it is like a part of the family because we drive around in it a lot.
Ben looks blank because he is much like my father and often looks blank in pictures. Amy and Jenny are reading because people in my family often read. Steven is hiding behind a Calvin and Hobbs book. My mouth is hanging open.
Here is why: Someone said something surprising so I my jaw dropped. Then I saw that mom was taking a picture of us so I left my mouth like that. I have a hard time looking blank in pictures. I don’t take after my father. But I do look like a fish or something which is probably worse than looking blank.
Unfortunately a tree fell on our van so we don’t drive around in it much anymore. Hopefully it will get fixed soon.
Maybe the girls are sillier than the boys. Jenny pulls on Ben’s ear. He laughs. Amy and I make faces. Mom laughs, and Dad almost laughs and Steven rolls his eyes and Matt looks down in mock embarrassment.
Matt likes to look down when everyone else looks up.
He also sometimes has weird jobs and he goes to college and someday would like to be the first man on mars. He said that maybe when he is an old man he would like to go up into space and live in a space station for the rest of his life. Him and his wife. There would be zero gravity, so it would be easier for an old dude to get around.
Matt is the oldest. Jenny is the youngest. They both have copper hair.
Sometimes Steven and Jenny like to hang out with each other when they don’t realize that anyone is taking pictures.
Sometimes Ben and Steven do odd things.
Amy takes pictures of all the odd things that my brothers do.
She likes to sit on the laps of statues and feel loved.
This is what my family looks like when we are pretending to be Dukes and Dutchesses.
This is what we really look like.
Jenny: Hey look, i’m an Alien!
What Ben is supposed to say: Hey look, I have chopstick shaped boogers!
Me: Hey look I’m a Walrus!
What Mom is supposed to say: Why is everyone in the restaurant looking at us?
What Dad is supposed to say: Hey look, I’m an Alien too!
We do this little routine, usually, when we go to a Chinese restaurant. It is from an old foxtrot comic strip. I tried to find the comic strip online so I could post it here, but it was nowhere to be found.
More often, though, we look like this.
Amy’s caption for this photo: Note Mom using her inhaler, Steven with the hood of his sweatshirt on his head, and Ben stretching.
Mom’s comment on the photo: Inhaler? I think that’s a fork in my hand, and I’m either pondering deeply or eating the last bite of sausage with my fingers. And it looks like my skirt is on fire and I’m completely oblivious
Steven has his sweatshirt on like that because he is COOL.
Steven, you see, is ALWAYS cool.
Well, back when we first adopted him he was not as cool. I am not quite sure what changed.
This is Steven, before.
This is where we are going the day after tomorrow. Back there. Back to explore where Steven came from.
Also, to see cool animals.
That is where we are going.
Me and my family.