I have a new layout, very similar to the old. But you will notice that the red shoes are now red rubber boots instead of converse. Someday I am going to get my own pair of red rubber boots. I don’t really want a pair of red converse, even though they look so awesome. Here’s why: They are COOL and IN FASHION and that makes them un-unique to me.
I had a sinking feeling when my little sister told me that miss-matched socks were becoming popular. No! I love miss-matched socks! Why spoil that by making it a real fashion?
Now I wonder, would I like silly bands if they weren’t in style and I decided to wear one to be unique?
It reminds me of a video we watched in my comm class about how MTV stays cool. It showed how they would send scouts out into the world to find the trendsetters, the teens who would do new and edgy things that others would copy. Then MTV would feature and exploit these new and edgy things, making them mainstream instead of new and edgy.
The trendsetters would now have to move onto something else. They would not continue doing and wearing things that were mainstream. Which on one hand seems sort of lame, but on the other hand I do the same thing. Of course MTV never interviews me. I’m pretty much getting the short end of the stick no matter how you look at it.
In case you have ever wondered about the random pictures on my layout, I like teapots and twin-bell alarm clocks and clear incandescent light-bulbs and green apples and red shoes. All of those things are things that I like. I decided that it would be wise to have a row of things that I like on my blog, so that if anyone is ever on my blog and thinking, “I want to get Emily a gift. What should I get her?” they would know to get me either a teapot or a twin-bell alarm clock or a clear incandescent light-bulb or a green apple or a pair of red shoes (preferably red rubber boots).
As far as my life goes, I am at home in Oregon again. I feel sick-ish right now, but some days I have felt fine. I am mostly tired of this, trying to figure out what makes me feel good sometimes and bad others.
Now, there are big decisions regarding what should be done after we got to Kenya. I could go back to Bridgewater College, but my Dad really doesn’t see that as much of a possibility, even though in my heart I am longing to go back. (This is kind of complicated, why he doesn’t see it as a possibility and I don’t really feel like getting into it.)
Then, there is the idea of Faith Builders. Part of me wants to go to college in such a stable environment, while another part of me wants to go to a real college, where I can be free and meet new people all the time and have opportunities to be a witness.
Lastly, I could stay at home. Maybe go to Lynn Benton Community College. I don’t know, because part of me is afraid that that will end up being the only real option. Part of me longs to be home with every fiber of my being. Part of me doesn’t want to be home at all. And I think it is because when I am at home I am never quite certain who I am, what part of me is child and what part of me is adult, and where I fit in in the world.
Maybe I feel like that everywhere. I feel it especially at home, though. In other places I am carving out my life, but here I am trying to somehow build a new life on top of the past life and it is a strange and hard thing to do which I am hoping will someday turn into a book plot but really, I don’t want to experience it fully just so that I can write a book about it.