When people ask me how college is going, I say, “great!” It is a truth, but not all the truth. I love college. I love my classes. But I hate being alone.
I specifically chose a place to live where I would not be alone.
I didn’t immediately connect with my landlords or roommate. It was hard, because I didn’t know them at all when I moved in. And just when I felt like I was making inroads into connecting with my roommate, she began working 24 hours a day, five days a week, caring for an old man with Alzheimer’s.
Being alone is like a chilly gray day. It’s nice to make tea and curl up with a good book and listen to the silence while snuggled up in a blanket. But you need to do the dishes, or homework. The more you tell yourself to get up and do it, the more the coldness seeps into your bones, and you curl up into a tighter ball.
On Friday my landlords are leaving for Florida for the winter. I will be all alone.
I can’t get a cat.
I can’t get another roommate.
I could move. But heaven help us, where shall I move too?
Must I move again? Must I always move? Must there always be boxes?
No one is here to bail me out of this situation. I have to do it alone. But I can’t do it alone, because I am lonely.
I need you on my side.
Please. I feel like every hardship breaks me, and only fragile bits of scotch tape holds me together. I am not a strong person. I can’t do this on my own. I need prayer, a phone call, an idea, something. I need you on my side.