The Girl in the Red Rubber Boots

Moving Back to Oregon

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by

Emily Sara Smucker
in

I cannot imagine how someone could even begin to keep track of my life. I keep moving here and there and everywhere. Now what? After all my sojourning, it looks like I’ll be moving back to Oregon.

I don’t understand why I’m hanging on to Colorado so bad. I have 18-year roots in Oregon, and pulling them up was as easy as can be. And now, I can’t even fathom pulling up 8-month roots.

But it’s over. Unless a job unexpectedly falls in my lap this week, I’ll leave in nine  days.

If I get sick in Oregon I don’t have the slightest idea what I will do.

A wedding dress was falling apart at the seams and had a broken zipper. It was too big for me. For a long time it just sat in my cupboard and I wasn’t sure what I was going to do with it. But the other night I ripped it up.

I felt like Cinderella’s evil stepsisters. I just ripped. Then I took a needle and thread and began sewing lace and fluff back on in random haphazard patterns.

The reason I told you that is because it is so hard to try and explain my feelings right now. So I thought maybe if you can imagine the feelings that would cause someone to rip up a wedding dress you can imagine my feelings. But maybe that isn’t exactly true, cause I’m not divorced and my fiance didn’t dump me at the alter or anything.

I always think I would like  to have a complicated life instead of a boring life and then when it gets complicated it is complicated in all the wrong ways.

Comments

2 responses to “Moving Back to Oregon”

  1. Naomi Avatar
    Naomi

    Emily, your feelings seem entirely understandable to me. Have you thought about applying to colleges in Colorado? Even if you didn’t get in until next year, I bet you’d qualify for some amazing scholarships. Come to think of it, here in Columbia, MO, Stephen’s College is a historically female college that has a strong drama program. If you ever want to check it out, I’ll pick you up at the airport and host you while you’re here. (My sister is married to some of your Mother’s relatives, and I’m friends with your Mom on Facebook, so I’m not a TOTALLY random creepy person.) 🙂

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  2. Amanda MacNaughton Avatar
    Amanda MacNaughton

    Hi Emily. I first read about you in your Mom’s books and then decided to check out your blog. There’s a lot here I can identify with! I’ve lived in Colorado and now live in Oregon. They’re both beautiful. I can understand your feelings of not wanting to move “back home.” I wonder if the dry part of Oregon, east of the Cascades, would be easier for you? If you are coming back partly to be near your family, it isn’t very far from Central Oregon to the Willamette Valley.

    I also wanted to mention that the reason I connected with you the most from reading your mom’s writing is the struggles you had with your health. I have migraines and have struggled so hard to figure out “why?” and prayed repeatedly for them to be healed. It is hard when you find yourself being scared of “when will the next one come on?”
    Peace, Emily! May God bless you wherever you end up.

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