Tag Archives: sunshine

The Thing About Spring 

Spring is my favorite season.

You know how it is near the end of a book, where things just get worse and worse and more dramatic and misunderstandings mount, and then whoosh! You reach the climax. The ring falls into the volcano, Ella enchanted breaks her curse, Captain Hook falls into the jaws of the crocodile….and you can breathe easy again, and leisurely finish the book at your own pace because everything is going to be fine.

That’s how I feel every spring.

The daffodils bloom first, quickly followed by the camellias and the rhododendrons. And then…we still have rainy days and rolling fog, but snippets of sunshine lurk around the corner, and I open my windows and let it in.

Spring perches in my soul like hope.

Monday Musings

pink chair

I have a habit of writing blog posts and then not posting them because I think they’re too emo.

As far as I can tell the problem lies in the fact that I blog in my head too much.

I’ll get an idea for a blog post on romance, or what it’s like to always be different, or why I’m not a real writer, and I’ll regurgitate it around in my head for days, imagining what I will write once I actually have time to get to a computer.

Well heads, as you know, are kind of emotion machines. So the regurgitated thoughts turn into emotion vomit.

Sorry for the visual.

A random thought:

Often, my view of people is drastically changed once I friend them on Facebook.

People talk about how easy it is to hide on the internet, and how much of the online world is smoke and mirrors.

But when you friend people on Facebook you learn what they really believe in, and what they love, and sometimes how gullible they are.

Things that don’t often pop up in regular conversation.

Maybe they would pop up in regular conversation if “regular conversation” consisted of one person saying to another, “all right, tell me all about yourself, everything you’ve ever wanted to rant about,” and then just sat and listened for as long as it took.

Not that that would be a good idea, it’s just an interesting thought.

The world is full of sunshine. It’s incredible.

All This and Sunshine Too

Today is just a happy productive day. I weeded flower beds, went shopping for sunglasses with Jenny, and picked buckets of strawberries, all in one morning and early afternoon.


I wish I could take a bath in sunshine instead of water, because I don’t really like water that much.

Drinking sunshine instead of water would also be pretty stellar.


Here is a random picture of fabric and tea from Thailand.


And now a more realistic picture of my current life….


That is the top of my head and lots of stuff. Amy came home a week ago, and when she did, I had to clear most of my clothing out of her closet. So now it basically looks like a closet threw up in my room. Cleaning it is my next project for the day, I guess.


Random picture of my purses. I was lying on the floor, taking the previous picture, and I thought, “I have some cute purses.” So I took a picture of them.

Tomorrow I’m leaving, visiting Virginia, then heading to the Faith Builders college student retreat, and then spending a few days in Landcaster. If you are back east and want to hang out, give me a ring!

(Like, on the telephone. Chances are I don’t want to marry you.)

Anyway, I’ll probably forgo the well-thought-out full-of-pictures posts I’ve been doing lately in favor of posts like this–that is, information and instagram pictures.

For those of you who don’t like instagram pictures, I am sorry. I have a fascination with heavily edited bad quality square pictures that are a cinch to make because they just make everyday life look mystical.

Until next time…


It will rain


12:30 am. I’ve had verying levels of insomnia recently, though tomorrow I will finally be able to sleep in. I reached over, picked up my bottle of prosaic, and removed the second to last pill.

Second to last. And after the bottle is empty it will not get refilled.

At least, we will try this.

Depression is a funny thing. Except it’s not funny at all, so perhaps interesting would be a better term to use. People who have never gone through will put it on a list of sins which hamper our spiritual life, up there with greed and pride, while the ones who have gone through it often don’t volunteer the information very readily.

Depression is, of course, an illness.

As embarrassed as I initially was about my abnormally depressed moods, I eventually came to the place where, in order to survive, I had to call up people I didn’t know, or barely knew, and say, “i need help.”

Eventually I also learned that if you tell someone that you are on depression medication, there is a surprisingly high chance that they will say, “me too.”

A side effect of prosaic, it turns out, is sleepiness. I am trying to end my dependence on depression meds and become less sleepy at the same time.

I’m ready for some sunshine in my life.


Oops. I tried to put in a picture of sunshine and got my dad instead. Well please cut me some slack, this is my first time posting from my droid.


ta da!

The Road, and other news


The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way

Where many paths and errands meet.

And whither then? I cannot say.



Random Blog News:

  • I got a free castoff smartphone from my brother, which is now functioning as my android enabled faux-pod. This means, hopefully, more pictures on the blog, and even more hopefully, more blog posts.
  • I got WordAds, which means that my blog is now making money via advertisements. In the month of April I made twelve cents. Ha! Oh well, small steps…

Random Emily News:

  • I am still working on the whole fatigue thing. I had a very intense week, falling behind in everything, and sometimes beautiful things would happen but I wouldn’t be able to process them due to my tiredness. It was/is super frustrating but I do have hope that things will get better.
  • Sunshine makes the ugly turn beautiful.
  • I am trying to make summer plans that are do-able despite my fatigue issues. Ah! Difficult.
  • I am glad that I am no longer seventeen. (Yeah, I just was randomly glancing through my book.)

I Am Alice

I felt like Alice in Wonderland as I stood in the hallway of the big Victorian house, beside my friend Lucia, who looked like a boy but wore a dress. There was a cake on the table. It was covered in blue icing, and there was a sign on it that said “Eat Me.”

Lucia had tapped me on the shoulder as I sat in the library, killing time until my brother Ben got out of class. “Do you have a car?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“Is there any way you could take me to downtown Albany? I need to check into a homeless shelter.”

“Yes,” I said, “Of course.” I logged out of the computer and grabbed my backpack. “Just tell me where to go.” We walked across campus to my car.

(I will pause here to clarify that Lucia is transgender, identifying as female though she is biologically male. I do believe that a person should stick with their God-given gender, but I will be referring to Lucia as “she” in this post out of respect for her.)

Lucia stuck her red purse in the back seat, and we drove off towards downtown. Somewhere along the line she mentioned that she had been arrested the day before.

“Really?” I asked, “what for?”

“Mental health issues. I tried to kill myself in plain sight of a policeman.”

“What?” I freaked.

She gave a sort of sad laugh. “Sorry,” she said. “I forget that normal people don’t just nonchalantly say things like that.”

I told her about my cousin’s suicide, and how hard it was on my family. “Was it hard for your family when your mom killed herself?” I asked.

Lucia shrugged. “My dad and sister pretended to be upset for a little while. I was the only one who really missed her.”

If we were in a movie, these lines would have been delivered in a sad and introspective voice, and I would have said the perfect thing in response. Something like “Jesus is the answer,” only in a totally meaningful and non-cliche way. As it was, Lucia laughed at the tragedy. She looks at her terrible life with a cold irony, that what is normal to her is horribly unspeakable to others.

What could I say to her? I have found the answer in Jesus, it is true. But there she is, in a world where she has been hated by hypocritical Christians because she chose not to follow Biblical teachings on gender distinction. And here I was, here I am, trying to show my classmates the hope of Jesus, trying to show instead of tell.

I prayed. “God! What do I do? What do I say? Am I a terrible person for saying nothing about You? For not even turning on a Christian radio station? For doing nothing?”

It was then, as I turned left on a one-way street, that I got an overwhelming sense of peace. I don’t have to be a perfect missionary all at once. I am in training. I am learning. The first step is the learn to love.

The homeless shelter was in a big Victorian house downtown. People lounged on the porch, smoking and chatting, looking very homeless and making me feel kind of preppy and snotty in my nice clothes. I mean yes, I got them all for free, but I also have regular access to a washing machine and a huge closet. Just saying.

I sat down on the porch railing beside a man with a camo baseball cap, waiting for Lucia to register. Me and the man started talking about all kinds of things. Healthcare, hypocrites, all the places we’d lived, the beauty and freedom of road trips, etc.

The sun was shining and things seemed so beautiful. I wanted to come back, and I wanted to bring tea.

It was beautiful. Lucia, the homeless man, the sunshine, the listening. And, of course, the “Eat Me” cake, which I didn’t actually eat. The Alice-In-Wonderland sort of fascination with this little world of homelessness that I was completely unfamiliar with.

When I think of being a missionary, I imagine moments like this.