Two old men walk into the store.
Man #1: He’ll pay for my groceries.
Man #2: No I won’t!
Man #1: Look what I have to put up with! She’s so much prettier than you anyway. But I’m stuck with you.
Man #2: She is prettier than me.
(Man #2 did not pay for Man #1’s groceries. After I rung up Man #2’s groceries…)
Me: Goodbye, have a nice day!
Man #2: Goodbye babe!
The kittens: Larry, Claudio, Selene, Curly, Moe, and Jazz.
Me: Hi, how are you today?
Man whose groceries I was ringing up: Well, one of my friends died this morning.
A sign I found on the cookies when I got home.
Jenny: I like that picture about as much as I like your sleeves.
Me: You don’t like my sleeves?
Me: But Jenny, people used to always wear sleeves like this!
Jenny: Well, I didn’t like it then either.
Jenny: Actually I probably wasn’t even born then.