I wake up, confused. The light is on. But was I sleeping? Of course I was sleeping, but how can you know if there are no dreams? Or maybe those strange thoughts were dreams, because, now that I think of it, they didn’t make any sense.
Everything is hot.
My head hurts and I wish I could understand life. I wish I could take a shower but I am too weak and too hot. I always fall asleep and every once in a while I will have a nice deep dream. But mostly it is bits and pieces and I get confused and maybe there is no dream after a while and then I wonder if I slept or maybe if I just zoned out in some bizarre manner for a while because I can’t remember.
It was bad before but it’s badder now. I don’t understand allergies and sickness and feeling better or worse. I wish there were numbers and graphs that spelled it out and made sense.
I feel like nothing I am writing makes sense but that is ok because I am in a general state of loopiness and somehow my God will work my future out.
I don’t exactly want to sleep anymore though cause I’ve been sleeping all day and the dreamless sleep is so confusing. But it is night-time. And I’m certain I will sleep anyway whether I want to or not.
I’ve often wished that there was something like the machine that will tell you exactly what the problem with you car is for people! The wondering and not knowing is the hardest part I think. But you are right about God.
Yesterday while reading about King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20 the words “Do not be afraid or discouraged . . . You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you” just jumped out at me and gave me hope over a situation that I’m struggling to not be afraid or discouraged about. I love this passage because instead of sending the best warriors into battle they had the the choir singing praise to God lead the way and by the time they arrived all the enemy armies had killed each other. All they had to do was haul away the treasure left behind!
I am so sorry you’re not feeling so well these days I’m praying for you!!!! Remember all the awesome times at SMBI? LOL. By the way i read your book and I loved it I could just hear you talking the whole time it just sounded so much like you!!! Great job keep up your amazing writing skills!!!! Love ya!