SMBI: The Miracle

It was nothing short of a miracle.

You see, I have had so many dreams in the past couple of years, and they keep having to die. Like goldfish.

It’s written all over in my book and past blog entries, maybe out in the open, perhaps between the lines. I’m getting better! Will my dreams come true? Oh. Sick again. Goodbye beautiful dreams. Again and again, the never-ending cycle.

Bible School was one of those dreams.

It was EBI that I wanted to go to first. But then I began to consider SMBI, and after much prayer and pro-con lists and interviews with SMBI alumni I decided that was the place for me.

Second term 2009 had two classes I wanted to take. It was perfect.

Then, of course, dream-giving-up day came and I gave second term 2009 back to God. Totally and completely gave it up. After that, any discussion of Bible School with anyone had me saying, “Perhaps I’ll go to SMBI the 2010-2011 year.” I didn’t even consider 2009-2010. That dream had died.

One day I sat all alone in my living room. Life was so complicated. I didn’t want to leave Colorado, but I had no job. Where was I to end up?

All of the sudden a wonderful idea for a novel set at a Mennonite Bible School popped into my head. “Man,” I thought, “It’s too bad I won’t be able to go to Bible School for at least another year. But when I do I’m going to write down everything. I’m gonna carry a notebook around with me even if they all think it’s weird.”

Still no job. I packed up my stuff, upset at the unrest I felt about moving back to Oregon. Upset that option A wasn’t working out, I didn’t feel right about option B, and there was no option C.

Let it die, Emily. You have to let Colorado die.

The epic Friday arrived. The Friday I had been dreading. The Friday when my Dad would arrive to help me pack up my stuff and move me back to Oregon. I logged onto Facebook. This is what I saw:

Benji Mast is leaving bright and early tomorrow morning for SMBI

All of the sudden it occurred to me  that second term 2009 was starting in a few days. Not only that, but it would have worked perfectly. I needed an option C, because both Oregon and Colorado were full of closed doors. I was feeling well enough to swing Annie, perhaps I was finally to the place where I could do SMBI. It would have been perfect.

I ranted to my diary about not signing up when I had the chance. And at the end I wrote, “Of course I can’t deny that God Himself led me down a different path. Yet still… And I am satisfied.”

A couple hours later my Dad arrived. When I briefly mentioned how perfect it would have been to go second term 2009 after all he said, “why don’t we call them tomorrow and see if they have any openings?”

Two days later I was at SMBI, notebook in hand.

Back in the sick days there were always dreams and fairytales. Sometimes a train might stop in the middle of the night, and if I climbed aboard it might take me to a party in the woods where I sat on huge white toadstools with many fascinating people. Sometimes I might go to a Bible School and have fun and wear a pink hat. They were wonderful to imagine and never true. If one of those fancies could be true it would be the greatest of miracles.

The greatest of miracles happened to me. But it was even bigger than the wildest of my fantasies. Every moment there was something, or someone. A conversation. A class. A smile. A tear. A cough. I know, because I wrote it all down.

Thursday night we all dressed in fancy clothes and knew that it was over. I was happier than I knew it was possible to be. My mouth hurt from smiling. My feet ached to dance. I wanted to shout to the mountaintops. I wanted to dissolve in tears of joy.

The greatest of miracles just happened to me, and the name of that miracle was SMBI.

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11 responses to “SMBI: The Miracle

  1. Ahh yes… the Giver of Dreams has blessed you with a miracle, one of those dreams that has turned into reality. He is so Good, and I rejoice with you.

    Why does He sometimes seem to give His children dreams and then seemingly call us to let them die? I don’t know.

    But I do know that He is not just the Giver of Dreams, but He is The Dreamer… and when I try to wrap my mind around the millions (billions?) of Dreams that He has let die, it makes me shudder to think of what that disappointment must be like. And yet, He beckons us to come deeper, deeper into this crazy Heart of His, not only to share in His sorrow, but also to dance and rejoice with Him when His Dreams do come true, and long with Him for His millions of dreams that are still alive to come true. He draws us into a place where we cannot even begin to go unless His grace empowers us to walk forward, step by step…

    I rejoice with you in this miracle, and my hope and prayer for you is that you will continue to dream, and will continue to grow in your relationship with the Dreamer, and that His grace will daily enable you to grasp hold of the Dream He has for you, and to live that out with your whole heart, soul, and mind.

    Press on!

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  2. This made me cry.

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  3. Emily, I’m so so so glad that God worked out your miracle. I loved reading about it and being there to experience it with you. God is a God of wonders. Sometimes we wonder why he does the things he does, why he closes door and why he opens others. Then we wait and wait and finally he shows us that this is why it happened the way it did. God works in mysterious ways but he supplies our every needs. God bless you girl!
    ~Jess

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  4. WooHoo!
    God is soooo good!

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  5. I’m wiping tears, too, Dorcas!
    You dear Emily, you don’t know me. I saw you at SMBI, I was there for the singing night (i’m not sure what they call it) on a wednesday night several weeks ago. I thought of the miracles and dreams that allowed you to be there when I saw you. I think of you often (I’m a follower of your mother’s blog! 🙂 ) I’m touched by the struggle you’ve been through. God bless you! ((((hugs)))))

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  6. Emily, you are so adept at putting your heart into words. I loved this post! Sniff Sniff =o)

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  7. I believe in dreaming and love hearing about dreams coming true. SMBI has been one of those for me too. The first time I went, they had one bed left for one girl, and I knew it was mine. Been back several times since, and always it was life-changing. Your lady dean is one of my favourite people. =)

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  8. Thanks for sharing Emily, and for bearing your heart to us, your readers.
    Blessings as you settle in wherever you find yourself!

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  9. Beautifully written, Emily! It’s so, so exciting to see how God made your dream into reality, and so challenging to see your openness to Him and willingness to follow Him and accept His will through it all.

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  10. Emily!! I just love reading your posts!! This was soo good! I miss you and it was soooo much fun to be at SMBI with you!!

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  11. Pingback: The Missionary Journey | The Girl in the Red Rubber Boots

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