The Christmas Quest, Part 2: Go on a Date

This Christmas, I found myself alone for the holidays, and thus, I embarked on my Christmas Quest (read Part 1 here for more info).

Essentially, I wrote a bucket list of things to do over the Holidays, and one item on the list was to go on a date.

Not knowing anyone in Houston to date, I downloaded the dating app Bumble, and had my first experience with online dating.

Now, I feel it’s worth noting that I was not looking for a relationship. The older I get, the more I realize that the grass is actually greener on my side of the fence⁠—that is, that my personality, dreams, lifestyle, and general disposition make me better suited to singleness than marriage. Sure, this could change if I fell madly in love with someone, but I’m not the type to fall in love easily. 

But I do enjoy going on dates now and again. Sometimes it’s nice to have a few romantic sprinkles on your single life. That was the inspiration behind putting “go on a date” on my Christmas Quest.

Bumble is supposed to be less sketchy than other apps because it’s set up so that the woman messages first. But I was immediately overwhelmed, because what am I supposed to even say? 

Also, I only swiped right on a couple of guys, but I matched with all of them immediately, which kinda freaked me out. I didn’t want to have infinite matches, so I was trying to be picky, but being picky proved impossible because everyone seemed exactly the same. Handsome single guys in their 30s with a few generic hobbies and a couple of gym pictures⁠—who knew so many of them existed in the universe, much less in my city?

I should clarify that I wasn’t looking for Mr Right, I was looking for someone who would go on a Christmas Quest Date with me and have lots of fun but who ultimately would not fall in love with me or make things complicated. Like an adventurous-looking atheist. 

Well, as I was perusing an array of adventurous-looking atheists, I got a notification that someone had complimented my picture. I guess that’s a feature on Bumble. It was a nice Christian firefighter named Jacob. He said, “I’d be smiling too if I had coffee and a good book!”

I had to “swipe right” on him before I could reply, but I did, and we started chatting about tea and such (because I obviously was drinking tea, not coffee, in the picture he complemented). 

Over the next few days, I swiped on a few more Adventurous Atheists but then couldn’t think of how to start conversations with them, so I ultimately decided to go on a date with Jacob.

Just to be clear—Jacob seemed great—my hesitation was due to the fact that I thought we were probably looking for different things. But then I though, I mean, why not give it a shot?

But that was a little later. Meanwhile, in the week before Christmas, I continued to work on my Quest.

The Week Before Christmas

The week before Christmas was a little rough healthwise, but I still managed to cross things off my list. I went thrift store shopping for Christmas gifts (list item #49), just in time to send a package to Jenny, and then accidentally sent it to the wrong address. Oh well. It reached her eventually.

I made hot chocolate and drove around playing Christmas music and looking at Christmas lights (list item #44). That was lots of fun. But I was alarmed by how hard it was to find Christmas music on the radio. What is the world coming to?

I decorated a Christmas tree (list item #48). Just a baby tree that Matt and Phoebe had bought to plant in the yard. All I had for decoration was some red yarn and one set of twinkle lights, but I covered the base with a blanket to channel my inner Charlie Brown and surrounded it with all the packages that came in the mail addressed to me.

I went to Kroger one evening and followed a stranger around for a bit, writing about him (list item #23). I thought it would be an interesting study in observing strangers, but it was actually really boring, and I felt weird doing it, although part of me felt like a spy on a secret mission.

I also needed to complement a stranger’s hat (list item #28). Kroger was full of boring baseball caps, but at one point, I heard someone behind me say, “Excuse me,” and I turned around and saw an older gentleman in a faded-yet-dapper blue fedora.

“I like your hat,” I said.

“This old thing? I need to get a new one!” he said. But he sounded pleased. I’d just re-read Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman, and this gentleman looked and acted exactly how I pictured Anansi, so that was fun.

List Item # 20: Go to a Christmas Party

You may recall that I wrote “go to a Christmas Party” on my list, but I wasn’t invited to any Christmas Parties. Well, that one resolved itself spectacularly. Indiana invited me to come over for dinner on Christmas Eve. 

Christmas Eve I was also trying to go an entire day without using screens (List Item #39). The only exceptions I allowed were checking my lock screen for texts, replying if necessary to keep people from worrying about me, and using Google Maps if I got into a terrible driving pinch. Otherwise, no work, no movies, no scrolling, no checking the weather, no nothing. 

I chose Christmas Eve for this task because I thought I’d be busy all day. First church, then dinner with Indiana, then the candlelit service in the evening. But when I got to church, I discovered that “dinner” wasn’t until after the candlelit service, lol.

(I know dinner can refer to the evening meal, but for some reason, on Sundays and Holidays, I always assume it means a noon/afternoon meal.)

Anyway, I managed a lovely screenless afternoon by writing in my diary, reading a decently interesting book called The Bones of Grace, and trying to tackle list item #17⁠—taking a plate of cookies to my neighbor’s house. (They weren’t home. I believe I didn’t actually deliver them until a day or two after Christmas.)

I met up with Indiana and her daughter Bella at the candlelit service that evening, and afterward, we went to their city apartment for dinner. I rarely feel like I’m in a big city when I’m in Houston, but that night I did. The apartment was in a tall, almost skyscraper building⁠—one of those places with shiny floors and a doorman and a keycard you have to swipe to use the elevator. 

We went out on the balcony and looked at the tower opposite⁠—a wall of windows full of twinkling Christmas trees. 

It wasn’t a loud, crowded Christmas party, but it was lovely. 

List Item #2: Go to Church on Christmas Morning

Christmas morning, I drove to Galveston to go to an Episcopalian church service at a historic church. This was my third time going to a liturgical service on Christmas Day, and I’m a huge fan. 

According to the liturgical calendar, the time leading up to Christmas is Advent, a melancholy time of hopeful waiting for Jesus to come. A time where it’s much more appropriate to sing “O Come, O Come, Emmanuel” than “Joy to the World.” December 25 is when all that changes⁠—Christ has come, and we can now rejoice. 

The traditional way to do Christmas was to start on December 25 and then have all your parties and such after that, ending with gift-giving on Three Kings Day. Only now, we’ve shifted all that into the month of December, and if we do Advent, it gets kind of muddled up amongst the festivities.

So even though very few people show up for the Christmas Day service, I really love the “yay! It’s Christmas now! Advent is officially over!” vibe from liturgical churches.

After church, I considered driving over to the beach and going for a swim⁠—list item #9⁠—but ultimately decided it was too cold and windy. Also, my friends Tiffany and Ryan invited me over for Christmas lunch. Another Christmas party!

My Christmas Day ended with a family Zoom call where we all opened presents and joked around.

The Christmas Stocking

Here’s something else I did the week before Christmas, not because it was on my list, but because of something I’d read on Twitter.

Somehow, I came across a thread of people talking about how much of the Christmas burden falls on moms and how often the mom’s Christmas stocking has barely anything in it compared to everyone else’s.

The thread concluded, “Call your dad and tell him to fill your mom’s stocking.”

So I called my dad and told him to fill my mom’s stocking.

Now, Dad was perfectly comfortable filling Mom’s stocking with wrenches and flashlights, but he was completely lost at the prospect of picking out anything cute. So I told him to go to Target and call me. He did, and our convo went something like this:

Dad: So here is a little stuffed reindeer, do you think she’d like that?

Me: Well, it’s so Christmas-specific that she wouldn’t have much use for it the rest of the year. Why don’t you go to the stationary section and look for things in pretty colors or with flowers on them?

Dad: Okay, here are some pens that look like bunnies. Do you think she’d like those?

Me: Yes, I think she’d like those.

Dad: It looks like you push the ears down, and then the pen tip comes out so you can write.

Me: ?????

Anyway. On Christmas evening, as we opened presents, I watched as Mom pulled pretty Post-it notes, cute binder clips, and bunny pens out of her absolutely bulging stocking. When she discovered that Dad had put them there, the look of shock and delighted surprise on her face was adorable. 

Now, Back to the Date

Two days after Christmas, Jacob and I met up at a Starbucks close to his workplace. It was a decently brief date⁠—just under an hour, I think⁠—as he needed to go pick up his nephew. 

I felt zero butterflies, but I’ll admit I had a really good time. I just felt bad, at the end, because I realized I’d done most of the talking. 

Jacob was very good at asking questions and listening well but tended to answer my questions briefly and without much elaboration. Although we had a lot of similar values, our dreams and lifestyles were vastly different. He liked comfort and stability and didn’t have a lot of life goals beyond a desire to have a career where he could help people (hence the firefighting).

I really admire people like Jacob, but I’m not like that at all. 

It was also pretty obvious that, unlike me, Jacob was looking for a relationship. I wasn’t sure how to tell him that I wasn’t. I guess I hoped it would come up somehow, maybe when he asked to meet again. 

But the funny thing was, he didn’t exactly ask to meet again. Instead, he said, “Next time, I’ll come to your area.”

“Um, okay,” I said. This was just as he was dashing off to hang out with his nephew.

“So, I’ll text you?” he said.

“Sounds good,” I replied. After all, I’d had a good time. Why not meet with him again? 

My first date with Jacob happened about halfway through my Christmas Quest. There’s so much more to come, guys! Come back for Part 3, which I’ll hopefully post shortly, although lately, I seem to have projects coming out my ears, so I can’t make any guarantees. 

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