Today I just wanted to post about something non-controversial that wouldn’t require pictures. I was going to look up one of those “15 Random Facts About Me!” tags we used to do in Xanga days, but they were all so silly/narcissistic that I decided instead to answer questions that real readers have asked me on this very blog.
Of course, these questions are from 3-5 years ago. And they are taken completely out of context. All the better to amuse you with, my dear.
Q. Can I come traipsing through your house sometime?
A. Yes, so long as you’re a firefighter and my house is on fire.
Q. I am wondering how I can order your book?
A. Funny you should ask! I just put a Paypal button in the “book” tab, so now you can order my book directly from my blog. Yay!
Q. Ok so I have to ask…What is round table?
A. A flat object with legs, in which the distance from one end to the other multiplied by 3.14 is approximately equal to the length of the entire edge.
Or a place where knights like to sit.
Or a game played around a rectangle table, similar to ping-pong, in which multiple players run around and around the table hitting the ping-pong ball.
(My goodness, sometimes the simplest questions are the hardest to answer. I feel like none of those answers would make any sense to someone who was honestly asking that question.)
Q. Do you think you’ll write any other book in the future?
A. Here’s the thing: the book I wrote six years ago was such a fluke of good timing that it almost isn’t fair. Let me just list everything that fell neatly into place.
- I had something interesting to write about (my sickness).
- I had extensively journaled and blogged during the process, so that the actual writing was already 80% done by the time I started.
- Since I was still in recovery, I had all the time in the world to work on my book.
- I had an editor calling me every week to check up on my progress.
- Since the book was part of a series “by teens for teens,” no more than a teenage-level of writing skill was required.
Since then I have not had these advantages, and I have not written another publishable book. Still, I think that it will eventually happen. It feels inevitable to me. I just don’t want it to be something I dashed out in a month, like the last one. I want to take my time and let it be well-crafted.
Q. Do you make a lot of your own clothes?
A. Less than I wish I did. I like sewing, and I would much rather wear my own designs than store-bought clothing. However, sewing takes time, and I always end up getting free clothes from random places that makes it hard to commit to sewing.
Q. Was it my pink dress?
A. Yes, and if you ever want to see your pink dress again, you must deliver $100 in cash to…
Wait, I’m not sure how the cash-delivery part of ransom notes works. Maybe you can pay me in Bitcoin. I’ll figure it out and then get back to you.
Q. Who would you like us to pick out for you?
A. Dear random internet person (people?), are you offering to find me a boyfriend? Well, all right. I’d like to order someone who is a thinker, and who is an adventurer, and who is a believer in Jesus Christ.
Just remember, I have veto power.
Q. Emily – did you eat some Eggplant Parmesan (which is second to none) before you went to bed??
A. No…but maybe I’d try some if I was dating Marvy Snuffleson. Is this a hint? Let’s see, he’s certainly an adventurer. I think he’s a believer in Jesus Christ. You could make an argument that’s he’s also a thinker…but…
Nope, I think I’ll use my veto power on this one. Sorry internet. I appreciate the effort.
Q. What books has your mom written?
A. My mom has written five books:
Q. Don’t you just love the way God works?
A. I’m not sure how to answer this question. Usually when God is working in my life, “love” is not the word I’d use to describe it. Most learning requires a certain degree of pain.
Still, I must admit that seeing the aftermath of God’s work in an individual is a thing of rare beauty that I love. As an example, look no further than the families of the Charleston shooting victims having the ability to publicly forgive the shooter. So absolutely counter-intuitive and full of grace and beauty in the face of horror.
Q. OK so I have to ask. . .why do you feel that you “owe it to Larry to try to explain to Bob why Larry has this opinion.”?
A. I’m skipping this question because it is confusing and makes me think of cucumbers and tomatoes.
Q. Remember all the awesome times at SMBI?
A. I probably don’t remember all of them. Too bad I don’t have a magic memory.
Well that was sort-of weird. Tell you what. If you leave me a comment asking a real question (preferably not about round tables or veggie-tales characters) I’ll try to write another Q and A blog post with questions and answers that make more sense.
Deal? Okay. See you next time.