March Moodiness

Oh, the pressure of realizing that you are publishing you’re 500’th blog post. What can I say that is witty enough, and monumental enough, and enough enough?

I haven’t been posting, and I’ve blamed it on the fact that my next post was going to be THE 500’th post. Of my life.

In reality, I wasn’t posting because of March Moodiness.

This time, last year, I was frantically battling depression. A year before that, I hardly got out of bed, I was so depressed. And a year before that I was sliding into my first bout of depression, ever.

What it is about the end of February, beginning of March?

I always want to get in my car, and drive away, away from it all. To California, or to the beach, or to the beach in California. Or to the eastern part of Oregon, past all the desert and sagebrush, to the rugged desolate hills that always make me think of “Wuthering Heights” or “Jamaica Inn”

I never do though. I think about gas money, and about how sleeping in my car might be dangerous. And then I just go to bed and escape from the world via sleep.

It’s funny, because except for a few days of summer blues, I haven’t struggled with depression in a year. I have been so on top of it this winter, finding beauty in everything, learning to play an instrument for the first time in my life, writing and breathing and making time for friends.

And then, it hit me.

I didn’t get depressed, but suddenly I had to work hard not to be depressed. Why such a struggle all of the sudden?

Spring is, to me, a metaphor of the slow climb out of depression. The winter lasts, and lasts, and then Spring comes for a few days before it rains again.

But Spring is coming.

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4 responses to “March Moodiness

  1. Ugh…I hate March blues, too. Spring cannot come too quickly!
    My heart goes out to you…
    -Jennifer

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  2. Hi there, I’m a ‘lurker’ who likes coming back here and reading your posts! I liked that post you wrote about the ocean awhile back. I’ve been thinking of ‘place’ lately; I’d like to hear what you have to say about it:

    It’s been pointed out how all the ‘major dramas of human life’ happen just as much in the middle of nowhere as in Paris–birth, death, falling in love, etc etc–and of course Galilee and Nazareth weren’t big cities… at the same time, exotic places have that draw… is it more about dreams, or is it really the place?

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  3. so if you notice a pattern, what can you do to break the pattern?
    how about schedule a getaway with a friend or family member to one of the places you think of as “better than here”
    THIS year the coast was not the place to be in March!

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  4. I’m with Tabitha, planning an event, large or small, lifts my mood. It’s the “looking forward to it” that is helpful, not the size of the event. A gal always needs something in her life to look forward to. Getting together with a friend to catch up, sharing a cup of tea with a relative you haven’t visited in a while, taking in a movie, listening to a live music, going to see an art exhibit or visiting a local thrift store for something for spring can all be done for little money. Eugene has free music and art exhibits every weekend. There is a movie theater in the Gateway Mall with movies for $2.00 Today and Monday are 50% off day at St. Vinnies. Pick something. Go!

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