What is important? Is chicken important? You’d think chicken would be important. Chicken was the important thing and now it’s not. Safflower oil is. But who cares about safflower oil?
I care about milk. I always have. Milk and peanut butter, but thankfully they never took peanut butter away. I still have peanut butter. But what about next year? Or next month even? Will it hate me, and I will never know it?
Who is deciding these things? What makes the change? Who even cares?
I cared, I cared more than anything in the world, because I just wanted to be well. I wouldn’t eat tortillas. They had sugar. Less than 2%, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t eat them. I wanted to be well and I wanted to get over that allergy.
I did get over that allergy. Whooptie-do. I got over every allergy except safflower oil which I’m apparently even more allergic to now. But I still can’t eat those cookies cause there are egg whites and milk in them.
But what happens if I eat a cookie? What really happens? Huh? Huh?
I got over everything. And a million more things took it’s place. But nothing took the place of Helminthosporium. Nothing can take it’s place. And according to the test, I am over it.
Did you hear me? I AM NO LONGER ALLERGIC TO HELMINTHOSPORIUM.
That is not exciting news. That is confusing news. If I am not allergic to helminthosporium, then what am I? What makes me get sick? What makes me get better? What was in my beautiful house on Rudd street that I couldn’t handle? Am I just drifting, developing allergies and getting over them at the drop of a hat, never sure, never positive?
Why did I move to Colorado? Where is my home? Where am I supposed to be?
The world is a confusing place. I don’t know where I belong in it.
The Girl in the Red Rubber Boots 
Oh, Emily, I’m so sorry. I’ll be praying for you.
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Not sure where I belong either, sometimes. Praying for you as well.
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Dear Emily,
I just finished your book, which I loved. I want you to get well, too, and that is why I am commenting on your health, which is none of my business, and probably rude (sorry). My top five concerns: #1 I understand that the “gold standard” of allergy testing is the skin prick test, not a blood test, which could account for your wavering results. #2
I have never heard of someone becoming “unallergic” to a substance. It is my understanding that symptoms change over time, but the allergy remains. #3 If allergies play an important role in your health, you need to get thee to a specialist. There are many good allergists in Eugene. The added expense shouldn’t be of major concern. You would save a lot more money in the long run. #4 Seeking a second medical opinion is not unusual, and could give you your life back. #5 There is no # 5. Best of luck Emily.
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oh, emily. i wish i had comforting words of wisdom to share with you, but i don’t. an air hug is a lousy substitute, but it’s the best i can do. praying for you!
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Emily,
I’ve struggled with allergies too, and know when I’m run down they act up more. Sometimes I can handle a bit of dairy or whatever, but other times I get sick from it. Listen to your body. When you’re feeling well, you may not have to be as careful about your diet, But if you’re feeling crummy, avoid anything that might make you worse.
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