What is important? Is chicken important? You’d think chicken would be important. Chicken was the important thing and now it’s not. Safflower oil is. But who cares about safflower oil?
I care about milk. I always have. Milk and peanut butter, but thankfully they never took peanut butter away. I still have peanut butter. But what about next year? Or next month even? Will it hate me, and I will never know it?
Who is deciding these things? What makes the change? Who even cares?
I cared, I cared more than anything in the world, because I just wanted to be well. I wouldn’t eat tortillas. They had sugar. Less than 2%, but I wouldn’t, couldn’t eat them. I wanted to be well and I wanted to get over that allergy.
I did get over that allergy. Whooptie-do. I got over every allergy except safflower oil which I’m apparently even more allergic to now. But I still can’t eat those cookies cause there are egg whites and milk in them.
But what happens if I eat a cookie? What really happens? Huh? Huh?
I got over everything. And a million more things took it’s place. But nothing took the place of Helminthosporium. Nothing can take it’s place. And according to the test, I am over it.
Did you hear me? I AM NO LONGER ALLERGIC TO HELMINTHOSPORIUM.
That is not exciting news. That is confusing news. If I am not allergic to helminthosporium, then what am I? What makes me get sick? What makes me get better? What was in my beautiful house on Rudd street that I couldn’t handle? Am I just drifting, developing allergies and getting over them at the drop of a hat, never sure, never positive?
Why did I move to Colorado? Where is my home? Where am I supposed to be?
The world is a confusing place. I don’t know where I belong in it.